2011 to Date -- Liverpool St. Helens 3rd XV Record to date !!
Liverpool St Helens 3rd XV 31 vs 19 Sefton 3rd XV 3rd September 2011
The third fifteen opened the season with a home clash against familiar opposition in the form of Sefton’s 3rd team.
It had been a busy summer at Moss Lane, wholesale regime change saw club stalwarts Hovvels and Williams hand down responsibility for running and captaining the side to Prescott and Holland respectively. The new leaders immediately stamping their authority on the team by insisting that players attend a weekly training session in order to be considered for selection, and even arranging two pre season friendlies in preparation for the new campaign. In spite of two defeats the general consensus was that it had been a successful pre-season, culminating in 22 fit and able bodies reporting for matchday duty on Saturday.
A mixed bag of new and old faces took to the field with front row debutants Ford and Sefton adding some mobility to an otherwise beefy pack. In the absence of Roberts (last seen cockling off Morecambe bay), Alexander assumed a berth in the centre with the prolific Duckworth on the wing.
Pre-match rallying cries focussed on ball retention and righting the rucking wrongs that had led to two defeats in pre-season. The hosts started well, a period of sustained pressure in the Sefton half may well have led to points on the board, but sloppily turned over possession meant it was the visitors who were first to trouble the scorers with an unconverted try in the left corner. Fortunately, the third fifteen have extensive experience of going behind early in games and promptly levelled matters when O’Brien’s miss pass looped into the arms of Duckworth who finished well under pressure in the corner.
The home side soon found themselves in the ascendency when half backs Henry and O’Brien combined to make space for full-back Hedley to join the line and crash over making it 12 – 5, only for some uncharacteristically weak tackling to allow the away side a second score wide on the left which was converted to make it 12 – 12 at half time.
Some home truths and a tactical reshuffle at half time appeared to have paid dividends when heavyweight second row O’Donnell found himself five yards out with a downhill slope and the wind at his back. ‘Doodle’ opted for the direct route and took at least two opposition defenders over the line with him for an emphatic first LSH try. The missed conversion left the game wide open, and true to the see-saw nature of the afternoon Sefton were next to score, adding the extras to again hit the front at 17 – 19.
Once again roused by adversity, the Moss Laners dug deep and ground out some hard fought territory, laying the platform for a set piece from the scrum base which saw Holland hit the ball at pace and charge over the whitewash for a converted try. At 24 – 19 the job was far from done, but when Ged ‘Warhorse’ Williams charged onto a loose ball forty yards out few present would have doubted that the veteran back rower would cross the try line. Williams did not disappoint, finishing majestically to effectively end the game as a contest. Final score 31 – 19.
Honourable mentions this week to ‘lefty’ Boardman and ‘Professor Brian Cox’ Dyas who volunteered to help out the Sefton side who had struggled for numbers, both putting in impressive displays which will not harm their claims for a start next week. Also, skipper Holland who risked the wrath of his future wife by taking to the field despite declaring himself unfit for dishwashing duty with an injured wrist. Finally, a mixed afternoon for Blemings who managed to miss the pre-match team photo, but proceeded to come through his first game uninjured since the last ice age.
A home win will only boost confidence ahead of next weeks local derby at West Park, and in the words of one of our new recruit’s former band D:Ream – ‘Things Can Only Get Better’
Man of the Match sponsored by DHL – Mark ‘Doodle’ O’Donnell
West Park 3rdXV 13 v 19 Liverpool St. Helens 3rdXV
Your correspondent arrived at the Red Rocks car park at 1.45pm to be greeted by the sight of 20 plus in the car park passing the ball and exchanging badinage both historic and venal. So the new factotums Holland and Prescott had the task of organising the 27 who had assembled, in this they were assisted by their law enforcing Major-domo, Mark Henry. Starting jerseys were at a premium to the extent that Prescott although a member of the ever dwindling Front Row Brotherhood was dropped from the starting line up for failing to attend training, he was however, reprieved as team management sought to utilise the squad numbers and strength from the bench. For all the numbers however, Back Row Bomber Blair still had to fill in at centre due to lack of three quarters.
LSH started looking like a team who seemed to know what they were doing. Quick sniping by halves Alexander and O’Brien and strong carries from Ellis, Carlton and Hovvels forced the home team on the defensive. Under pressure Park conceded a number of penalties and LSH marched inexorably downfield. From a tap penalty Williams broke threw a couple of tackles and quickly recycled ball allowed Carlton to crash over, without a TMO or big screen, the Referee applied Occam’s Razor and the try was awarded. Approximately 8 minutes had elapsed and at this point LSH had had 100% possession, 0 mistakes, 1 visit to the opposition ‘red zone’ and come away leading 7 nil. This installed the lads as favourites to win the Guinness Premiership, Webb Ellis, Jules Rimet, Super League Grand Final, the Boat Race and Grand National.
Such expectation weighed heavily on the lads and assorted errors and some enterprising play, particularly by the West Park fly half allowed the home side to close the gap with an unconverted try following good hands along the line. Buoyed by this the home team had a period of pressure in the LSH 22, but were kept at bay by robust and disciplined defence. The visitor’s then re asserted their claim for world domination by extending their lead. From a 5 metre scrum the West Park scrum half attempted to scuttle over but a crunching tackle from ‘Boy band Dyas’ dislodged the ball, ‘Diamond Geezer Alexander swooped like a Leicester Square pickpocket, he fed the supporting Williams, who released Dyas, Dyas fed Alexander, Alexander fed O’Brien. O’Brien to Blair, who cut against the grain towards the posts, he fed Highcock who though falling like Bambi on Ice, released Ryan, and the pentegenarian finished with élan. HT LSH 12 v 5 WP
With both sides making lots of changes, a howling gale, a load of unfit blokes, fat blokes and keen blokes who lack guile or panache, the first 20 minutes of the 2nd half was a tedious error strewn affair. Light relief was provided by the sin binning of a back row from each side, the WP was a ‘genuine case of not me sir’, the LSH Number 8 received 10 minutes for feeling the collar of the scrum half. The home side closed the gap to 4 with a penalty, immediately the visitors extended their lead. Following a couple of good line out moves LSH found themselves on the WP line, Henry fed Williams, The Colonel showed unusual thoughtfulness in switching play and as he cut across the face of the defence, Holland cut an excellent line which saw him crash through a tackle, shimmy past a couple and place the ball down in the old school single handed fashion. This is why Captain Ben is the top try scorer; Phil O’Brien converted to take to 19 v 8.
West Park refused to lie down and scored an unconverted try in the corner following some excellent handling. LSH then thought they had secured the match through Josh Brown. A ball squirmed from a ruck in the LSH 22, and was hacked downfield, with a following wind it nestled between dead ball and try line, a herd of players set out but quickly saw sense and gave up, left in the race were the long striding Brown, the fleet footed Adam Leadbetter and the West Park winger, following a little bit of bumping and boring which would have prompted a Stewards enquiry in the 3.15 at Haydock Park, Brown emerged from the pack and with his head angled backward like Eric Liddell (Chariots of Fire, if you are not in ion the reference) dived on the stationary ball to claim Gold in the 80 metre plod in Lead Boots Category. Unfortunately cynics in the crowd had pointed out that Colin the referee was never going to give it from his position in the LSH half. Sure enough the referee awarded a scrum to West Park when he got there. This is no criticism of the referee as it happened soon after he had been involved in a collision with LSH’s 23 stone centre, the whistle blower initially unable to move slowing sank to the floor like a set of deflating bagpipes.
With time drifting away the home side launched several attacks but stout defence held them out, they were also grateful to he clearance kicks of Alexander and O’Brien Again LSH were reduced to 14 when John Sefton infringed, but West Park could only offer perspiration when inspiration was needed and the visitors held out to claim bragging rights in the local encounter.
Everyone who turned out today deserves a mention in despatches, but editorial pressures do not allow. So the LSH Man of the Match is Phil O’Brien. As the squad reflects on the novelty of being dropped or limited game time due to number of players rember the words of Jedi Master Yoda, ‘ happens to every guy sometimes this does’
By Chester Drawes
Liverpool St Helens 3rd XV 29 v 19 Waterloo 3rd XV 17th September 2011
Its Gameweek 3 as LSH welcome Waterloo to Moss Lane and seek to continue their unbeaten start to the season. They would have to do so with a number of faces unavailable due to weddings, work, injury and culture trips but such are the resources available to the management team that 20 names were still in the mix for the 15 starting jerseys.
LSH were also relieved of the services of scrum half Wayne Alexander who was recalled to the 2nd team which meant a return to 9 for Phil O’Brien and a battle for the now vacant no 10 shirt. Unfortunately, Holland was the weakest willed and despite his complaints of various maladies, he had to grasp this particular nettle. Other team news included a return to the centres for veterans Riley and Owen which would certainly provide additional grunt in the midfield.
LSH began on the front foot with the ashen faced Holland taking a couple of strong runs but this proved to be too much as he was then forced to leave the field to rest his weary bones after a whole 5 minutes of action. A reshuffle in the backs immediately paid dividends as, after some sniping runs from Carlton and Ryan, the ball went through the hands to Owen in the centre who crashed over for an unconverted score.
Something of an arm wrestle ensued for a prolonged period until LSH won a line out close to the visitor’s line and Henry threw directly to Prescott at the front. From 5 yards out, the low range tractive effort of the burly front rower combined perfectly with gravity to allow the official to award 5 points and the Met Office to investigate a seismic event in the WA11 post code. HT 10-0.
The senior Moss Laners delivered their instructions at the break but everyone was surprised at the speed of the response. Within 30 seconds of the kick off, O’Brien charged down a clearance and proceeded under the posts. A brainwave struck the diminutive half back as he took a quick drop and missed – much to the puzzlement of players and spectators.
Waterloo reminded the home side that they were still in a game with a converted try but immediately a deft chip through from O’Brien led to Hedley’s burst of pace getting him under the posts. O’Brien wisely waited for the kicking tee and slotted the ball over for a 22-7 lead. LSH continued on the attack and Carl ‘The Weeble’ Prescott took a drive in from ten yards and seemingly shoved the entire Waterloo pack over for another converted score.
At 29-7, confidence was running high. Surely after incredibly catching every restart cleanly (!) and their unbeaten start to the season, LSH could now display their party pieces such as ‘hot potato,’ ‘hands-like-feet’ and other classics. They were brought down to earth with a rattle as a few knock-ons and other turnover ball allowed the visitors to march in for two scores to bring the score to 29-19 much to the chagrin of Skipper Henry and a break from the Waterloo wing was thwarted only by tremendous last ditch defence from Bowers and Hedley and prevented a grandstand finish.
Mentioned in Despatches this week are Carl Prescott who not only installed himself as joint leading try scorer with an impressive brace, but entertained all with his pre-match putting-shorts-on jig. Also, Mark Henry for an inspired 75 minutes as stand in skipper and 70 minutes trying to control the veins in his forehead from exploding. Finally, a mention for debutants O’Toole and Godwin who both impressed when given their opportunity.
So it’s 3 in 3 for LSH’s 3rd string and they meet a fellow unbeaten side next week in what may prove to be one of the crunch clashes of the season. Hopefully they will be echoing The Andrea True Connection following the game, “Moore, Moore, Moore, How do you like it?”
LSH Man of the Match – Stu Hedley
By
Mick Sturbs
Moore2nd XV 52 vs 14 Liverpool St Helens 3rd XV 24th Sept 2011
Liverpool St Helens 3rd fifteen met at Moss Lane (Merseyside) before making the short trip to Moss Lane (Cheshire) for what appeared on paper to be a mouthwatering clash with in-form Moore. Both teams came into Saturday afternoons fixture with unblemished league records, Moore edging out LSH in the division 4 standings only by virtue of their superior points difference.
The momentum of this summer’s recruitment drive shows no sign of slowing, midweek reports suggesting that the thirds would have up to 30 players available for selection were exaggerated, but even after the inevitable last minute cry offs and promotions to the 2nd team a robust squad of 22 set off for the short trip across the Mersey. Back rowers Blair (2nd team duty) and Carlton (unspecified tropical illness) were replaced by Ellis and Boardman in a heavyweight pack, with the returning Dillon slotting in at Fly-Half after a gruelling cricket season. Reinforcements on the bench meant the visitors rightly went into the game with the belief that they could come away with their 100% record intact.
After last weeks toss resulted in farce, skipper Holland wisely steered clear of a repeat of any such confusion by skillfully losing this weeks. With the modest slope in their favour LSH started the brighter of the two teams and thanks to some handling errors from the home side found themselves with a line out deep inside opposition territory, the much maligned call of ‘Vindaloo ball’ setting up consecutive drives for front rowers Prescott and Henry, and with the defence drawn in centres Riley and Holland combined to send the latter over for the opening score of the game. O’Brien’s conversion making it 0 – 7.
The hosts response was immediate, setting up camp in the LSH half. Rock solid defence from the visitors however meant that they home side’s task was a Sisyphean one, for every time they rolled up the slope they saw their efforts forced back down it by the gravity of some strong and committed last ditch tackling. Only in the closing moments of the first half were their efforts rewarded with points, when the young referee awarded a dubious try after what appeared for all the world to have been a second movement after the tackle had been completed. Protests were waved away and the conversion was slotted between the posts as the referee’s whistle blew for half time. 7 – 7.
As the players swapped ends the visitors continued to bemoan their misfortune, and from the kick off Moore took advantage of this lapse in concentration, slicing through the middle of the away side like a hot knife through a poor defence. The conversion was followed shortly after by a successful penalty to extend the home sides lead to 10 points at 17 – 7. Never lacking in spirit LSH battled back up the field and on the back of a couple of penalties were able to unleash the back line with Dillon’s pass finding giant inside centre Riley, whose direct running proved too much for the forlorn attempts of his opposite number on the line. After 60 minutes the four points were still up for grabs at 17 – 14.
What followed in the remaining 20 minutes was not pretty. Still unhappy with the dubious try decision before half time and further riled by being on the receiving end of some cheap shots, LSH imploded. What had previously been an impermeable defence became porous. Leaks appeared across the park and the home side poured through to rack up a score which while unrepresentative of the game as a whole, was a stark reminder of what can happen when a side loses its discipline in this unforgiving sport. Full time score 52 – 14.
Mentioned in dispatches this week is the 16 year old referee. It is a trite cliché to question the eyesight of the match official, however, had he been wearing his corrective lenses there is little doubt he would have chosen an alternative jersey to the one which appeared to have been fashioned from offcuts of Joseph’s amazing technicolour dreamcoat. Also mentioned this week is Holland who showed that his new role of captain has brought about a hitherto unseen sense maturity, by managing to keep his shirt on in the face of adversity.
LSH will be hoping to get back on the horse with a home fixture against Warrington next Saturday, so we close this week with the words of Neil Young ‘Can you feel it getting down to the wire?’
Man of the Match – Ste Ford
LSH 3rdXV 26 v 43 Warrington 3rdXV
First time visitors to Moss Lane may have thought LSH were entertaining Warringah from New South Wales and not Warrington from North West Cheshire due to the 80 degree temperature and presence of lots of men dressed like extras in a Crocodile Dundee movie.
Preparations as usual were hampered by injury, the issue of 2nd XV numbers and illnesses. Honorable mentions for Sefton (Bombay Belly) Carlton (RSI Right Wrist), but best excuse was veteran Williams (Infected nailed dermis).
Preparations were kept to a minimum because of the heat, with former Director of Rugby Hovvels leading the troops in the rarely seen County Durham Marrow Picking Ritual. 'it stretches everything you need to stretch' said Hovvels.
The whistle was blown to start the game by legendary local multi sport legend Brian Ball. Warrington on first glance appeared to have the near perfect 3rd XV a big pack of old blokes and s bunch of colts in the backline. Things started badly and quickly got worse as the visitors went in for two early tries to lead 10 nil. LSH hit back when controlled play allowed Henry to feed Williams who broke a couple of tackles, Henry quickly recycled and fed Dillon whose delayed pass allowed John Riley to crash over, Dillon converted to narrow the gap to three points and that is as good ad it got for the hosts. Full Back Stu Hedley who went away with MOM award in the last home game collected a kick and took the advice of Corporal Jones, he did not panic. However, he was robbed of the ball by the on rushing Warrington horde who subsequently crossed for another try to lead by eight. Captain Holland, rallied the troops but then tempted fate 'if we can hold to halftime I'll take this eight down coming the hill we'll take this second half'.
On the NOWIRUL forum their is a thread about the Corinthian spirit shown by a club in adversity. However, it was sadly missing in the next incident. Following a tackle Warrington knocked on twice in attempting to retrieve the ball, whence the elusive Imperial Leather was retrieved and dotted down under the posts, most Warrington players said "that's shocking' but chose not to intervene. Its a shame MS Dhoni is not a member at Warrington. HT 22 v 7
No words of wisdom were issued at the break just a call to try harder. Warrington extends their lead further before the returning Ste Roberts added a brace his second was from a neat Dillon pass the first was assisted by Greggs and Sayers.
Warrington then extended their lead further when John Sefton realised the game had gone so decided with the tropical weather to audition for the Beach Volleyball Team for London 2012. His rise and one handed smash st the rear of the line was dynamite and would have tested the Brazilian Men's Team. Indeed it proved too much for LSH landing 10 yards behind the backline and enabling Warrington to swoop and score.
LSH then added a try with a neat lineout move enabling Mark Henry to score, Dillon sent over a booming touchline conversion to end the game.
Mentioned in dispatches this week are the LSH spectators in days gone by it used to be just Ian Darlington passing unhelpful advice from his grizzled visage. Yesterday the touchline at Moss Lane resembled the Ladies Enclosure at Royal Ascot. It added sophistication and charm which the lads needed following another below par performance.
A thought from Skipper Ben Holland "I don't mind being outclassed, we lack class so we don't mind when it happens. But I do mind being outthought, and to be outthought by the opposition, sucks'
The LSH Man of the Match as sponsored by DHL was Stu Blemmings much to the chagrin of Big Ste of DHL.
So as LSH prepare for the annual RL Grand Final shutdown we close with the thoughts of The Bard of Burslem, Ian Fraser Kilmister, 'you win some, you lose some it's all the same to me. The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say'
By
The Light of the Sivery Moon
Christleton 29 v 34 Liverpool St. Helens
British military history has given us the dictum that the Battle of Waterloo was 'won on the playing fields of Eton'. Well this victory was at least part earned to 'the cyberspace of the Internet and facebook'.
Following what has now become the post Thursday war of nerves, part Le Carre part Athur Daley conducted 'deep throat' the 3rd string were denied the services of the Fab Four, John, Paul, Ben and Wayne to make the 2nd XV quorate. Further attempts to recruit players led PC Henners to produce his Warrant Card and arrest a dozen members stating they were needed in helping Merseyside's finest with their inquiries into The Mystery of the Missing Second Teamers.
The final hasty departure meant that the team were short of players and short of the kit bag. Whilst the convoy of cars were stuck in traffic in Widnes, calls were dispatched, for missing players and kit.
Stu Blemings detoured to Blackbrook to pick up his Brother in Law, Neil Babbs and Amy Henry went and collected the kit. So due to shenanigans on the Bridge over the Mersey LSH arrived at the genteel village of Christleton at what should have been half time.
The team changed quickly and with Amy unable to get 'sarf of the river' (ask Wayne) LSH took to the field as a poor mans equivalent of the Barbarians. Notable efforts the fashion hit parade were Duckers in his school rugby shirt, Neil in his NAAFI shirt, but the winners were Blem, The Colonel and Joe Ellis clad in their body hugging compression vests, the photographer from Attitude was speechless and they are now known as the Three Bears.
So with a scratch side,many positional changes and no warm up. The rallying cry was 'today lads we play for the shirt' , there was no sense of irony.
So the game kicked off and LSH started brightly turning over the kick off and good bursts from Henry, Carlton, Babbs and Prescott set field position file the Diamond Geezer Wayne slotted a drop goal. Normal service was resumed as LSH conceded a converted try and penalty.
The visitors got back on the game when Duckworth intercepted and fed Babbs who brushed of couple of tacklers and stroll over from halfway to leave a simple conversion for Alexander to level the scores.
At this point the kit arrived and the game ebbed and flowed with both sides exchanging unconverted tries with Babbs adding a second. Just on half time the chief proponent of direct running Mark Henry, broke from scrum and with all expecting a kick, chipped over the home defence, regathered and crossed to the left of the posts, Wayne converted to make it 22 v 15 to the visitors.
The mood was buoyant at half time. This wad to be a false dawn. Christketon pinned LSH in their own 22 metro area. The visitors defended with zeal. On four occasions the home team crossed the try line but eye unable to convince the referee they had done enough to be awarded a try, in this O'Donnell, Ellis, Hovvels and particularly Adam Boardman were to the fore. Finally however, weight of possession told and Christleton leveled the game with a converted score.
Clearly standing resolute had tired the lads, because they conceded almost immediately another converted score. LSH fought back remain g composed and Pape, Duckworth and Williams all went close before Matty Carlton starring at outside centre made an excellent break, quickly recycle ball allowed big Mark O'Donnell to crash over wide out for an unconverted score.
Down by two pints with eight minutes to go, LSH showed the right mix of urgency and control to gain field position. Strong drives from front row trio of Blemmings, Hovvels and Prescott enabled quick ball for Alexander, his cut out pass fed Babbs and using Carlton and Williams as foils wad able to dummy his way over for a converted try and his hat trick.
Christleton probed for the last two minutes but were unable to score the try they needed. However, LSH gave themselves a scare when with seconds remaining Stu Blemmings fly hacked a loose ball on the 22 metre line in centre field. The ball then went on a nightmarish journey for the visitors, it avoided the touchline, spinning backwards over the visitors tryline before going dead behind the posts.
The lads then left the field, and showed one facet of their fabled social side of 3rd team rugby. The Corn Beef Baron announced on opening the 'vallies' bag that his phone revealed the disheartening news that the 2ndXV had conceded their game and not only would the victory be awarded to Christleton, but the visitors would be docked two points. This prompted veteran Williams to explode in rage which warranted at least 30 minutes on the 'naughty step!, fearing he may have a heart attack as he had gone heliotrope in colour , he was informed it was a joke. He then turned Vermillion with embarrassment.
So no one could be faulted for their efforts today with all contributing, but a special mention goes to hat trick hero Neil Babbs.
The game was an advert of why people play sport at that level. Competitive, evenly matched,sporting and with no little skill. Next week LSH are at home to Liverpool University Vets
Man of the Match: Neil Babbs
By Camille Paglia
Liverpool St.Helens 27 v 22 Liverpool University Vets
With Paul Ryan once more answering the call to play 2nd XV, the club was sparsely occupied fir fear of taking the daunting trio under the Mersey to Caldy.
Those who were at the club early could only stare in amazement as what appeared to be the cast of both Hollyoaks and Downton Abbey arrived at Moss Lane. Indeed there has not been such a display of tweed and slacks in the area since The Earl of Derby hosted a mass bagging of game birds for Roderick Spode and Colonel Pilkington to celebrate the Coronation of the Old King.
Returning half back pairing of Knowles and Dillon just stood open mouthed, it was not the fashion, the hair gel or crisp pronunciation that had them agog. ' I thought we were playing Vets like old blokes like me, not young dog doctors' opined the mildly hungover Knowles, JD shook his head and declared !time for a cig pal.'
The Brains Trust showed they were a match for Lynagh, Piennar and Fitzpatrick by declaring ! They may have the edge in fitness, but we'll have them in size and grunt'.
With the warm late Autumn sum steaming down, LSH decided 2 lineouts and a Ring a Ring of Roses was enough warm up, as they needed to conserve energy against the younger fitter side.
The pre natch analysis proved to be accurate as the visitors ran the ball from everywhere and LSH shoved the scrum at will, disrupted the lineout and punched holes up the middle. The home team spurned several opportunities with aimless kicking. Until the visitors opened the scoring with a penalty, the home team were grateful for the break as the game had been as breathless as the home pack. Indeed the team had failed to regain their breath and stood static as the fly half played dance by the statues fir a converted score.
The team needed to strike back and did so as two magical Dillon touch kicks set up field position. Under pressure the visitors infringed and Phil O Brien took a quick tap, fed Holland, whose sharp pass allowed Duckworth to cross for an unconverted score, The game then drifted to half time with the score 10 v 5 for the visitors.
Captain Ben rallied the troops, 'no need for panic, this is a 20 plus wind, and we shall overcome'. The game restarted and LSH forced a scrum, with Carl Prescott away cottaging in Wales, Jack O Toole (sponsored by Dominos) joined The Rock of Trimdon and The Peoples Defender in a front row which probably weighed more than the Vets entire pack. LSH destroyed the scrum and with a quick blindside dart from Akexander, Holland once more turned provider feeding Hedley joining from full back to finish powerfully for an unconverted try to level the scores.
The home team then extended their lead following 2 set piece lineouts which stretched play from touchline to touchline. On the right a front of the line move ended with Williams going close, quick ball resulted in a Vets knock on in the left corner, more lineout wizardry allowed Henry to crash over with Dilon adding a touch line conversion to lead 17 v 10.
The Vets then had a period of pressure, it was their lack of 'bunits' (down with the kids, know what i'n saying blud) that prevented them from breaching the defensive line. So the fly half decided to avoid the aforementioned grunt, and chipped the defense, regathered and converted to level the scores again.
The home then had cause to thank JD the Mighty Atom, with the Vets looking to take the lead, JD picked up a loose ball in his own 22 and sent a kick which shadowed the whitewash before crossing a yard from the visitors corner flag. The visitors lineout which had creaked all afternoon, flapped and Knowles pounced for a converted try.
To ensure interest the Vets attacked again with 3 minutes left, and after some close scales they crossed under the sticks. With a minute left the fly half strode forward to level the scores. However, from directly in front he pulled it to the left leaving it a 2 point ball game as they say Stateside.
As LSH had expected to be level, they planned to turn over the kick off and drop a goal to win it. As Hannibal Smith would say ' I love it when a plan comes together' , LSH attacked the kick off forcing the Vets to concede a scrum. The ball was fed, the ball was hooked, the visitors pack pushed back, backline force to realign , ball released to fly half, and swing through the uprights from halfway to take it to 27v 22. If only the Welsh had done that!
A credit for the second week running to all involved including the LSH lads who were not involved. But the DHL Man of the Match went to a player who was the difference between the 2 sides with his kicking and distribution, John Dillon.
Post match the two teams returned to the bar and it was a fascinating snapshot into Britain's Divided society, the young men destined to have their hands up cows rears and manually evacuate anal glands quaffed the mantling bliss served by Mine Host Poulton. They also drank it through ties, snorted the head of the bitter and one player was forced to were a shirt which contained enough interesting stains to warrant a whole new series if CSI: Liverpool.
The artisans amongst the home team , moaned about toffs bleeding the country dry, one sucked his teeth and shook his head and said 'kids' several decided they should go to St Pauls to join the anti capitalist protest. This came to nought as they realised they didn't mean the one in Haresfinch. All that was missing Brother Plumbley to explain quantative easing, the evils of debt capitilisation a chorus of the Internationale and the revolution may have started. So as Springsteen said 'you can't start a fire without a spark' so everyone went home to suburbia to plan for Sunday Service, Sunday Roast and a visit to. multiplex shopping outlet.
So next week it's the Police away, and in the words of The Boss ' I go down to the river'
By Gustav Klimt
Liverpool St Helens 3rd XV 36 vs 27 Waterloo 4th XV
After human resource issues blighted their trip to play our glorious boys in blue last week, LSH 3rd string were pleased to welcome back a number of faces back to the starting line-up and perhaps even more pleased to hear the news that the 2nd team had a full quota and would need no bolstering from the ranks of the thirds.
They would however have to manage without their regular skipper Ben Holland who was still nursing his poorly neck after a collision with some bigger boys from Stockport last week, Paul Ryan who has a similar tale from his trip to Caldy the week previous. Also absent were stalwart prop Ste Hovvels having dropped his wallet on his foot and former stalwart Neil Plumbley who continues to prefer the company of other gentlemen on a Saturday afternoon. However, previous regular Mike Pickering arrived with playing gear for the first time in two seasons and the lithe speedster took his place on the bench.
Skipper Henry delivered a rousing monologue to inspire the lads to play from the kick off rather than waiting until they were 10-0 down. So it came as no surprise that, within 10 minutes, LSH were 10-0 down after a converted try and penalty from a Waterloo side that were well organised and robust in both attack and defence.
Right on cue LSH then began to play a bit and from a period of concerted pressure a sliced clearance on the Waterloo line allowed wingman Bowers to dive on the loose ball for a score only for the official to award a knock on in the act of grounding. The speedy wingman was not to be denied however as Knowles and Dillon combined well to allow Bowers a free run to the line from 30 yards out. Dillon made the conversion and the home side were in the game at 10-7.
Jolted by this, Waterloo immediately took control again and crossed wide out for an unconverted try. The see-saw nature of the game continued as, with LSH now in the ascendancy, Knowles displayed his white line fever and the rotund halfback burrowed over from 5 yards. Dillon made the conversion and the difference was a solitary point at 15-14 to the visitors.
Playing the first half up the slope, LSH would have been happy to turn round in this position, so they were delighted when Dillon stepped and dummied into a bit of space in the Waterloo 22 and then just had the legs to stretch out and place the ball on the line for another score. The conversion made the score at the break 21-15.
LSH began the second period in strong fashion with strong runs from O’Donnell, Blemings and Williams tying in the defence to allow the diminutive Ford to wriggle through a couple of tackles and dart to the line. Conversion successful. Score-line 28-15. Waterloo were not done yet however and bashed through from close range for another score before Dillon settled some nerves with a drop goal from 40 yards to leave the score at 31-20.
Unfortunately when the 3rds get 10+ points in front, their brains immediately mutate into those of a Fijian sevens team. Equally unfortunately, their hands and feet do not follow suit and a predictable handling mistake in the backs allowed the Waterloo winger to pick up and dash the length of the pitch to make the score 31-27.
The grandstand finish subsided slightly as Mike Pickering seized on a loose ball, dropped it, kicked it, dropped it again only for Stu Hedley to pounce and ground the ball over the line. Having disallowed two seemingly okay LSH scores, the official decided 3 wrongs probably make a try and awarded the score to muted guffaws from the visitors. Dillon missed the conversion but the game was then done at 36-27.
Mentioned in Despatches this week are Stephen Ford for tireless work in the loose and a deserved try, John Dillon for his try, an exemplary display with the boot and now obligatory drop goal and finally to ‘Rustynuts’ Duckworth who ferried enough ordnance into Ben Holland’s back yard on Saturday evening to qualify him as a military superpower.
So LSH get back to winning ways with a gritty, hard fought win against a strong Waterloo outfit and will look to carry this form to next week as they visit St Mary’s in the parish of Little Crosby, regular competitors in the ‘Best Kept Village Competition.’ So it seems LSH will have to don decent attire and be on their best behaviour to avoid any ‘accidents’ for “The Greater Good.”
LSH Man of the Match: Stephen Ford
By
Catherine Wheel
Crosby St Mary's 2nd XV 7 vs 20 Liverpool St Helens 3rd XV 12th November 2011
Autumn sunshine accompanied the third team for this trip to the seaside to face Crosby St Mary’s, a side they’d beaten emphatically three seasons ago on the march to the Division 4 West Championship.
With Vice Captain Henry donning his loincloth for a weekend in the Tarzan and Jane Suite, O’Toole made a start in the front row while Alexander moved to scrum half to replace Knowles who is still unable to travel outside the WA postcode area. Rumour has it the restraining order will soon be lifted.
In the same way that Eskimos are fabled to have 50 words for snow, LSH’s stalwart coaching triumvirate of Williams, Hovvels and Holland have developed myriad ways of expressing the pre-match theory of keeping it tight in the early exchanges and not conceding early points. In practice the third string have only one method, which is to ignore the pre match sentiment and allow the opposition a head start. This week’s inevitable opener coming from a penalty 20 yards from the visitors line; while the would be defenders discussed the finer points of the law with the referee St Mary’s tapped and scored under the posts unopposed.
Now in familiar territory LSH resolved to change gears and get back into the game, and after several forays into the hosts red-zone Carlton appeared to have made the decisive break, but with only the full back to beat he fluffed his lines and threw a pass to the advancing Riley who, with the try line begging, could not gather the ball. Luckily the Moss Laners were able to build on this pressure and finally showed some composure on the next venture into St Mary’s territory when full-back Hedley was able to keep his cool and cross to level the scores before half time. Half time score 7 - 7.
Half time chatter centred around support play and ball retention, and it appeared to pay almost instant dividends. A more positive start saw the visitors recycling the ball with confidence and after several phases were awarded a penalty in good attacking territory, the quick tap found Riley in the centre channel who this time managed to hold onto the ball and burst through the hosts defence, cutting inside to score under the posts and give the visitors the lead for the first time in the match at 14 - 7.
With the momentum now well and truly behind the Moss Laners more points looked inevitable, and another move down the right wing looked like it would surely result in a five pointer, but Pickering couldn’t quite bring in the ball at full stretch resulting in an altercation with his opposite number in the long grass ten yards to the side of the pitch. A full and frank exchange of opinions ensued, resulting in both players being asked to take ten minutes behind the posts to cool off.
With tempers frayed LSH continued to dominate possession but could find no way over the opposition line, so when the referee called a penalty for a technical infringement on the halfway line it was decided that Dillon should shoot for goal. JD judged the kick to perfection, completing in the process Soccer AM’s famed Crossbar Challenge by dropping the ball sweetly onto the bar before it bounced over for a crucial three points. The game was closed out moments later with another three pointer, again from the boot of Dillon but this time it was an audacious drop goal from wide on the right a full 40 yards out. Final score 7 – 20.
Mentioned in dispatches this week is Pickering, the Thatto Heath straw-weight has recently ditched Queensbury rules in favour of the increasingly popular mixed martial arts and now has his own signature WWF style finishing move which was later described as the Donkey Common suplex.
Man of the Match – John Dillon
Liverpool St. Helens 3rd XV 66 v 14 Oldershaw 3rd XV 19th November 2011
This week, LSH 3rd string entertain familiar visitors from Oldershaw. One of the Moss Laner’s finest moments last year was to come back from the Wirral with a hard-fought 10-7 victory against a team that were flying high in the league and only just missed out on promotion.
With 26 available for selection, LSH were pleased to be in a position to promote Messrs Riley, Carlton and Boardman to 2nd team status. Seemingly 2nd team management are fans of late 60’s sitcom ‘Never Mind the Quality, Feel the Width.’*
In other team news, elected 3rd XV Skipper Holland and senior player Dillon continue to develop into more managerial/cheerleading/mascot roles and took the opportunity to once again duck out of the action with their plethora of medical complaints.
However, with 15 on the pitch and another 7 on the touchline champing at the bit, LSH were dominant from the kick off and former regular Henry the Younger opened the scoring after 2 minutes. The conversion was missed by O’Brien but then almost immediately following, slick handling across the backs allowed Duckworth to cross the line. Again the conversion was missed (something of a trend developing here?) but new recruit Babbs then crossed closer to the posts to make things a bit easier, but to no avail.
Something of a warning shot was then received from the visitors as an Oldershaw clearance from behind their own line ballooned off their own posts and the visiting centre was the first to react, gathering the ball and then proceeding the length of the pitch. The first conversion of the day was made and the score was 15-7.
LSH took the hint and Babbs was able to shrug off some lazy tackles to get his 2nd try and fortunately close enough to the posts to make the conversion a formality. Further scores followed from Williams and a close range effort from Prescott who seems to have inherited the lead boots from previous stalwart Darlington. Unfortunately no other conversions were made and the final action of the half was a score for the visitors (converted) to make the score 32-14 at the break.
Chatter at Half Time was a casual affair. LSH had not been 18 points up at any point in the season and with the regularity that the home side seemed to break through the defence, more tries seemed a certainty; especially if Stu ‘Bostik’ Hedley could manage to overcome his Dartitis and release the ball in 3 on 1 overlap situations.
The visitors seemed to up their efforts for the first 5 minutes of the 2nd half and had plenty of possession. However, they were soon deflated by the hat-trick try from Babbs which was converted (!) by Alexander who had coerced half-back partner to relinquish kicking duties after a 1 from 6 return in the 1st half.
This seemed to kill the game off somewhat as a procession developed as O’Brien crossed the whitewash before front row lynchpin Hovvels scored his first try since a RAF/Army friendly in the Iraqi desert in 1991.
Further tries from Hedley who finally managed to sell a dummy and Williams who was later robbed of a hat-trick as scrum half Alexander took the ball from his feet after a 4.8m push from a 5m scrum. Alexander did cross the whitewash but could not convert and the action was done at 66-14.
Mentioned in Dispatches this week are Duckworth for being the only member of ‘Team Ginge’ to cross the whitewash, let down by colleagues James Graham and Jack Reed. O’Brien, Alexander and Lockyer for their combined return of 3 conversions from 13 attempts. And finally, Sally and Wayne for their impromptu Crackerjack routine during post match libations.
So LSH make some steps to address their poor points difference in the Division 4 West but league matters take a back seat as next week the Merseyside Police will visit to determine who goes into the draw for round 2 of the Raging Bull Shield. However, a final mention must be made regarding the payment of membership fees. Rolling substitutions are not allowed in the cup so lads after a game need to be up to date with subs payments. To re-use an old quote from 1940 by Admiral Sir Percy Lockhart Harnam Noble, “It’s all about the bloody subs!”
LSH Man of the Match: O’Brien
Liverpool St. Helens 36 v 42 Merseyside Police
Ah!, the agony and ecstasy of the Cup, Woosey in injury time at Fleetwood, 9 minutes with 12 men at Northwich, JD hitting the post at Bolton and the former captains green shoes. Only the shoes remain as memories of cup near misses fade, not since the painful Semi Final defeats of 2007 & 2008 have team members thought of popping into Pinder & Simms (Ironmongers of distinction) for a tin of duraglit to keep the trophy gleaming.
So cup fever arrived at Moss Lane, or rather Ben’s ‘man flu’ arrived, in a strangely subdued build up to the game the main talking point had been suggested styles for taming Matt Carlton’s barnet. For gentlemen the knowledge of selected hairstyles was rather worrying, but it would have made Alexander Armstrong positively bristle on top BBC 1 game show Pointless. John Sefton produced the ‘dubbers’, dove in but he could not make progress. Matty has been contacted by the organisers of the World Sheep Shearing Championships in New Zealand to register his interest to be shorn by current Golden Shears holder John Kirkpatrick.
The game kicked off, and predictably the visitors took the lead when they recovered a dropped ball, worked it left and Mick Pick found the Thatto Heath suplex could not down the burly winger who crossed for an unconverted try. LSH struck back quickly good carries from Henry, Sefton and Owen, allowed Alexander time, he switched from open to blind where Number 8 Williams was lurking, he broke a couple of tackles and fed Stu Blemmings who nabbed a three yarder in true Billy Whitehurst style to level the scores.
LSH were soon on the attack again and were awarded a penalty under the posts, Mark Henry wanted to take the three (Copy of Hamlet for Christmas, sir!), but the more ambitious Holland instead Prescott asked to replay his ‘Dance of the Hours’ pirouette to the line. With a Mariah full of Police holding him up, O’Brien was given quick ball and bulleted a flat pass which found Joe Ellis cutting an excellent line to scythe through for a converted score. The home side then extended their lead when they forced a 5 metre scrum. The home side got the shove on, as the visitors scrum creaked; Alexander fed Phil O’Brien who jinked through for a converted score to take it to19 v 5 within 20 minutes.
LSH then played the flowing rugby card once too often, Captain Holland who had spectacularly caught several microscopic rhino and corona viruses in one week in the opinion of ‘her indoors’ failed to catch the large oval passed towards him and the Police swooped for a converted score, they then added 2 unconverted scores and the cavalry charge continued as the sturdy winger broke several tackles of from the Duncan Norvell and Stu Francis coaching manual. ‘He scattered em like Orgreave’ one spectator opined, Duckworth and Carlton asked ‘Who does Orgreave play for?’
(LH 19 v 27 Merseyside Police)
Lord Plumbo of Exeter reported recently that half time talks had become trite affairs; however, as Paul Weller countered ‘it’s only a cliché because it’s all true’. So everyone knew what they had to do. The home side responded to the hackneyed lines of the opinionated few, by turning over the kick off, forcing a penalty and as John Williams went close in the corner Rob ‘The Ferrett’ Duckworth finagled the ball to allow Ged Williams to claim a one yarder, which was unconverted.
The home side then reverted to Chuckle Brothers rugby as they made a hash of the kick off and after a good deal of grunt the visitors extended their lead with a converted try..
The home side were now going downhill literally and metaphorically, but they refocussed and following good surges from Holland and Williams Jnr, Phil O Brien the reduced the deficit with a converted score.
LSH were now within a penalty of leveling the game, however, their efforts to take the lead where hampered by injury with the touchline beginning to resemble Police Room 619 in Port Elizabeth. Blemmings, Pickering, Alexander, Hedley and Hovvels all replaced injured. Hovvels injury of TTA (refer to NHS. Direct 0845 46 47)
The visitors smelt the weakness and moved in for the kill and added an unconverted score, the question was 'What was the lead?' Now the referee unfortunately had obviously copied his Maths from Ralph Wiggum whilst in Mrs Krebappel's class at Springfield Elementary. Answers offered were 5, no, 6, no, 7, no, it was 8 but more later.
The home side who knew the score and knew what to do. Some frenetic rugby set field position and sharp passing from Henry and O Brien allowed Mark O Donnell to crash over in the corner, the conversion was missed, but the lead had been narrowed.
Needing a try to win with minutes to go LSH advanced towards halfway with a rolling maul, Henry peeked off and fed Williams the Elder who broke of couple of tackles, O Brien scooped up the ball and looked to set up the match winning try.
This was cut short by the cold shrill blast of the refs whistle, ' what's that for sir' cane the polite request, penalty for ball squeezing came the reply, 'ball squeezing, sir', 'yes, laying an egg' came the reply. Now the ref may have mistook Nark Henry for a George Smiley character, may have thought he was addressing members of The Stonecutters, all were bemused.
More kindergarten arithmetical idiocy followed as the visitors opted to kick the penalty goal to extend their lead to the mythical 2 scores of 8 points. The lead in reality was in fact only 6 and a converted try would have took the home side through. But the bruising nature of the match and the Maths had left the home side a spent force and they could offer no threat in the remaining 90 seconds, and bowed out of the competition.
Mentioned in dispatches this week are Ben Teflon Holland, for leading the troops manfully, John Ladyshave Sefton for being tenacious in both front and back row, and all those who showed they had the qualities to join The Gnomes of Zurich with their maths, but the LSH Man of the Match was Phil O Brien with tries, goals and excellent passing.
So no trip to Barrow or Buxton, but no fixture backlog in 2012 and relationships could be saved with such lines as 'look love I'm sacking off the rugby this weekend, do you fancy a weekend in York or a gourmet evening in Ludlow'.
So efforts will need to refocus on next weeks trip to Widnes with many already unavailable with work, injury and winter sun holidays, a hard 80 minutes lies ahead.
The final word cones from the Fortune Cookie your correspondent received on Sunday, 'failure is not defeat until you stop trying'
Man of the Match: Phil O Brien
By Tim O'Tay
West Park 3rd XV 10 – 41 LSH 3rd XV
Geomorphology, not the first word on many match reports, but the key to why this game went ahead. The clue is in the names of the respective teams home grounds. Moss Lane, looked like it did a 150 years ago as a low lying peat bog on the Eastern Fringe of Lord Derby"s Estate situated in the Lancashire plain whilst Red Rocks provided a well drained and firm surface being placed on a sandstone escarpment formed at the end of the last Ice Age.
LSH had declared their pitches unplayable on Thursday and gave Park the option of the home tie, Park accepted even though they were struggling for numbers. Take a bow John Carney who volunteered to prop to allow contested scrums and Anthony Sanders who made some hard yards with direct running at the LSH half backs.
The game started openly and even before the visitors took the lead it was apparent to seasoned observers that the home side were in for a hard afternoon. As breaks from Carlton, Babbs and Roberts should have led to tries before Captain Ben Holland FIQS MUCBR opened the scoring with a typically bone jarring Simon Geoghan style finish following a blindside move between Williams, Alexander and Dillon from a 5 metre scrum.
The lead was soon extended as LSH forced turnover ball and simple passing allowed the 20 stone plus Chris Mark to swat his way over the line from 3 yards. Due to the fact he was wearing contact lenses enabled him to direct himself close enough to the posts to enable that increasing elusive extra 2 points. (LSH kickers have converted just 9 of the last 25 tries)
The home team then had their next spell of the game and reduced the deficit when the fly half danced around a cruelly exposed (more exposure later) Carl Prescott for an unconverted try. The visitors then reestablished their lead with two unconverted tries when firstly JD instead of using his dazzling dancing feet as recently featured in La Cocoona in Tenerife employed the Maori sidestep to bulldoze his way through 3 tacklers to touch down in the corner. Then on the stroke of halftime The Pearly King of Peckham, Wayne Alexander darted over from the base of the scrum. HT LSH 22 v 5 West Park.
The game was as good as won and only self implosion on a grand scale would see LSH snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, they were reminded of this fact by Robert 'The Font' Duckworth whose return to the side coincided with his recovery from his mystery illness. Following a visit to Dr. Knocker in Rodney St, Liverpool 1, Dr. Knocker was able to reassure Rob that it was a perfectly naturally thing to happen to young men and that AES did not mean he was going blind or that he would go to hell.
The home side defended manfully as LSH spurned chances with poor handling and decision making. Good breaks from Riley, Mark, Roberts and Williams all should have led to tries but didn't. Finally the visitors opened the second half scoring with a Route One try. A 5 metre penalty was driven in by burgeoning young behemoth Adam O Toole as the pack arrived and drove and rolled over the line, a second pair of hands had sneaked on to the ball. Now young Adam as a former West Park player was desperate to claim the try offering pizza discounts.
But as Thatto Heath RL legend Alex Murphy told LSH club President, Ray French in 1966 when Ray challenged Alex over a disputed try against Hull KR 'read it in the Echo' and in indeed The Echo speaks today as JD was able to convert Ged Williams try.
The game became more disjointed as LSH changed to give everybody game time, Gentleman Dave Potter made sone characteristic scoots from rucks, rabbiting is very much in fashion on the playing fields of Chiswick Reach; Adam Boardman threatened to introduce the opposition to his little friend; Riley and Mark both displayed their Wacky Races running style at Fly Half, Matt Carlton continued to Audition for the roll of Juggler at the Sea-lion show at Knowsley Safari Park.
Finally some order was restored as JD opted for a simple passing move to allow Paul Ryan to notch an unconverted try. He may have had a brace soon after as number 8 Williams surged down field turning inside several defenders the veteran eschewed the option of his senior wingman on the outside for the galloping gazelle like Carlton on his inside, the full back was drawn and Matty dropped the ball, claiming "the ball bent my little finger back'. The chance was gone but Matty starts at Billy Smarts on Monday.
LSH final try of the afternoon came from the Hong Kong Cannonball, Ste Roberts. Now in his 22nd year Stephen now finds it easier walk 8 yards with 5 men on his back then he does to run unopposed from the halfway line. So Chris Mark, was allowed to take the conversion as a Len Killeen tribute, and he duly toed it over the bar on to the roof of the school. Observers were amazed how far he took the kick back, was it to create an easier angle? No it just gave him a shorter walk to get back for the kick off.
The home side ended the afternoon with the final unconverted score which their manful if outgunned efforts deserved.
Mentioned in dispatches this week are again Carney and Sanders, Carl Prescott and Captain Ben Holland who also played for the opposition.
So LSH prepare for the final game of 2011 at Waterloo next week, were again geomorphology will dictate the game is likely to go ahead. LSH have had la hard tine at Blundellsands in recent visits. Fortified by there good performance at Moore yesterday strengthened by the returning Eton Rifle brigade back from Uni, the home team will be looking to end the year with bang.
So rather obviously we end with the words of Benny Andersen, 'Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to, Waterloo knowing my fate is to be with you'
LSH Man of the Match: The spirit of the game'
By Kurt Wallander
